Dancing in front of the mirror and posing like a top model as mom gets ready for work. I am in the zone and in my own little world and SMACK!!! Mom just slaps me across my face because apparently my thoughts escaped my little 3 year old mouth and I should never say those words out loud. Little girls don’t say those things, no one should say it! Watch your mouth! You are not supposed to tell people how cute you are! How dare you?!?! “Gosh,” I think (definitely in my head where she can’t hear me now) “all I said was ‘I’m so cute.’ I guess mom doesn’t think I’m cute. I’m not cute. Look at yourself DeLayne. Who are you kidding? You can’t be cute.” I spent my entire life feeling this way y’all. Until one day, someone said it enough times that I slowly started believing it. I’ll get to that but first, let me give you a little insight into just how much damage that smack in the face did to that little girl inside of a woman.
I’m DeLayne Wesley, owner and founder of this boutique and community and these are some of the reasons I started this journey. So many women for reasons unknown to the outside world, feel as though they can’t be cute. They spend hours in front of a mirror trying to cover up their natural beauty because someone, along the way, gave them a proverbial slap in the face and said “you don’t say that.” They accept less in everything they do because that is what they’ve been taught to accept. They don’t reach their full potential because along the way they have stopped believing in themselves. It wasn’t until I was in my late 30s that I realized I AM CUTE and I CAN DO GREAT THINGS, Hell I have already done great things. I just couldn’t let myself give me any recognition because I didn’t believe I deserved it. Sleeping with the wrong men because I couldn’t possibly get a good man, I’m damaged goods. My first sexual encounter was with a man I had just met. Slow down your judgment. I didn’t ask for it. In fact, I told him no over and over and over again. But I wasn’t confident enough to get myself out of that situation. I eventually stopped fighting and just let him rape me. Only a few people know that truth about me because I felt so ashamed that it was my fault he did it. How could I tell people that. Y’all!!! It is never your fault if a man takes advantage of you after you say no!!!! Tell someone for goodness sake!! Don’t let it eat at you for years and years. Don’t let it ruin your healthy relationship with sex! I became somewhat of a slut and I can admit that because I know why. Those people judging me didn’t know. They just assumed I was easy because I was garbage. If I’m being honest, I believed their lies instead of speaking my truth because it was easier that way. It’s never easy to face hard truths but in order to grow, we have to face them. I’m a work in progress but I can tell you with 100% certainty that I am worth the work and so are you!!! You were created to do and feel wonderful things!!! You are beautiful and I want you to get in front of that mirror and tell yourself that Every. Single. Day. Until you believe it!! Let’s start getting honest with ourselves! I don’t want you to dwell in the past but the past cripples us more than we realize until we deal with those emotions and set them free!! I am always here if you need someone to process with!
Getting ready for work and late as usual, I hear my daughter who’s dancing in front of the mirror in her own little world say “I’m cute! Yea!” I have to fight back tears as I go over to her and give her a big long hug (that annoys the hell out of her because I’m interrupting her show) and I tell her “Yes ma’am you are beautiful and don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re not!” In my mind I just broke a vicious cycle and I know that she doesn’t understand my tears now but someday, I’ll tell her.